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  • Rachel Fowler

Let's talk about BOUNDARIES.

I am an artist. I like to collaborate. I find saying YES AND being more useful and invigorating -- its exciting, building something with other people. Finding your flow with them, dancing in the present moment and creating something special, specific, unique.

This doesn't work in every situation. I've learnt this the hard way. I adopted an agreeable yes and attitude towards a few work situations where the next thing I know, my confidence is in the toilet, I can look back on a long list of things that were NOT ok that I shrugged off, and oh, yes, my back was muddy from the boots of my co-worker.

You ever felt like a doormat? Man, it sucks. And yes, it is hard to get up on that floor.

Don't gaslight yourself. If you feel and think it is happening, IT IS.

What is happening? Break it down into indisputable facts.

For example: "She's taking advantage of me" becomes "We agreed to split the work, and I wound up doing 95% of it."

This is an important step -- it takes the feeling out of what's happening, so you can take a good hard look at the behaviour that you want to change.

Ask yourself: how do I want to feel? How do I make myself feel that?

Me: I want to feel strong, independent, full of ease.

I do this by saying NO when I want to say NO and by restating previous agreements and holding my co-worker to account. This is always done with a compassionate tone.

The biggest kindness you do yourself is hold your boundaries. It has made me more patient, more understanding. No longer do I feel resentful.

And my back - it's MUD FREE.

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